Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
