JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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