I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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