I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
