Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
