So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
