Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
you had me at cake vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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