I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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