He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
