Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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