Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
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