I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
