I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
