By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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