You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
