I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so let's talk penis.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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