I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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