could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize