I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You took a bar mat shot.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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