Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
