this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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