he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
