I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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