I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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