I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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