I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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