Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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