I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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