My room smells like vodka and shame
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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