the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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