I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
