the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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