3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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