morning after pill = breakfast in bed
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
