last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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