Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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