You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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