I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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