so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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