Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I've blown a few things in my day
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
