we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
