The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
