At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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