You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
