how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
