I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
