Acid is not a monday night drug
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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