That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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