wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
