We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I still have a little drunk in my system
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
