I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
