yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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