Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Dignity is for republicans.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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