if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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