this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
