Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
