Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
id be glad to
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
