i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
