I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
