last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
