No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
