Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
