I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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