Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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