SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
