True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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