Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
